Captain's Log
by Amaxing
Summary: Just because he's a comic relief character, doesn't mean Usopp can't have love in his life. Of course, because of such it means he has to go through much more to get it... Usoppxyoull figure it out.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Well this is as story all about how my mind got flip-turned upside down and I'd like to take a minute, just pull up a chair, I'll tell you how I don't own One Piece (or Fresh Prince of Bel Air).

The First Day 

Captain's log: June 1st. For the most part, today was like any normal day out at sea. Only three marine vessels chased us, and everybody was happy for the break from the usual eight (one for each of us, supposedly). After our marksman, the great, powerful Usopp, had taken care of the ships almost effortlessly, the crew resumed their normal activities. Luffy, the real captain, (scribbles out) my cabin boy, busied himself by asking Sanji to make dinner, which we had just eaten. Sanji refused him, and so Luffy went off to annoy Zoro, who was training. Sanji, after refusing Luffy, came to me asking for a dance lesson which I the great and powerful dancing god Usopp simply had to oblige to. He never improves, but to be fair, we've only been at it a month.

The gossip on the Thousand Suns had died down a bit, the fact that Zoro and Robin are officially a couple has finally sunk in (well, to everyone except for Sanji. I've had to restrain him with my bare hands quite a few times when he, in a fit of sudden rage, has suddenly flown at Zoro, who is now eternally in my debt). So much, in fact, that it's actually begun to get boring (well, as boring as the Thousand Suns can be). So boring, in truth, that I've had to resort to wrestling with the shark we keep in the tank to relieve my boredom. I feel sorry for it, a poor innocent creature like that having to feel my mighty wrath. I stop before it gets hurt too badly though, so don't go calling animal cruelty on me. (Narrator: Yes, they had animal activists back then, you think I'm just making this stuff up?)

Enough about me though, I hate to make up (scribbles out) gloat about my great accomplishments, it sounds boastful after all. Back to the events of the day.

The reason that I have picked this day to place in my sacred Captain's log is not because it was just a boring day. The reason is that on this day, I, the great Captain Usopp, have fallen for someone.

I know what you're thinking. 'Say it isn't so!' you ladies reading this log are probably saying. "But there's no one good enough for you!' you men are probably yelling. I must confess, I myself was shocked at my sudden feelings, but alas, a man can only be so powerful, and it takes truly immortal strength to control one's emotions at whim. And I must admit that, contrary to popular belief, I am indeed mortal.

It happened as I, Usopp, the great inventor, was at work implementing dial technology for use in my latest weapon project. In walked the orange-haired one named Nami, apparently just to say hello. But I knew better. I instantly knew that she was trying to trick me into some sort of moneymaking scheme, one where I would make the money and she would _keep_ the money. Indeed, as soon as I saw through her plot, she broke down in front of me, and confessed her entire plan. Then, from nowhere, I found myself fancying her. And in my state of fancy, I agreed to her scheme. She instantly forgot about confessing her scheme and left with a smile. I myself could not help but smile as well. I would be seeing more of this woman.

Actual Events 

The Marine vessels crept nearer and nearer to the Thousand Suns. Usopp frantically loaded the cannons, trying to control his shaking knees and his urge to yell, "We're all going to die!" He aimed, fired, missed, aimed, fired, missed, aimed, fired, hit one on its side, and then fell over in exhaustion. Franky had used the Thousand Suns 'Air Boost' and they were now far away from the ships. Luffy, now satisfied that his Nakama was safe, turned to Sanji.

"Can we _eat_ now?"

Sanji sighed. "Alright, alright, I'll go prepare dinner."

"YEAH!"

"But Sanji!" Usopp called after him. "You have a lesson today, remember?"

"Whatever crap-shooter" he said, walking away.

Usopp sighed. It was going to be another boring day after all.

To pass the time, Usopp went down to the Galley, where he amused himself by annoying the shark. He tapped on the glass, made faces at it, then laughed when it tried to attack him. He was forced to stop when Chopper, a firm animal activist (gee, wonder why), told Usopp to stop 'tormenting the poor creature.' Annoyed and even more bored than before, Usopp retreated to his room, where he began to dream up new ideas for weaponry.

"Hmm" he said, thinking out loud, "I could use a video dial to tape Django's hypnosis, than hypnotize my enemies so that they're defenseless! But wait, I'd have to find Django first…shoot." And so on.

"Gee, does _everyone_ on this ship talk to themselves?"

Usopp looked up. There, in his doorway, was a navigator with flowing, tangerine colored hair. He suddenly felt more self-conscious, but waved it off as having company.

"What do you mean?" he asked back.

"Well…Zoro's out there right now, talking about the whole 'incident' thing with Daz Bones. Though, to be fair, he's not talking to himself, he's talking to a bee."

Usopp laughed. Nami smiled, then laughed as well. Somehow, that long-nose's laughter was contagious. After the laughter had died down, Nami prepared herself. Usopp was good at picking up lies, so she'd have to simply…._ reconstruct_ the truth.

"Usopp…"

"Yeah?"

"I'm…well, we're going to land on another island tomorrow."

"Really, what's it called?"

"That's besides the point… I was…wondering… if…"

"Well, c'mon, spit it out!"

"If you'd help me buy some fertilizer for my tangerines."

Usopp looked at her curiously. The quickened pace of words, the pausing… not doubt about it, she was lying about _something_. But what? "This isn't some moneymaking scheme is it?

"OH! N--darn, you found me out… yeah, I'm planning to sell them at market, so I need the fertilizer to grow new ones." Nami suppressed a grin. _Good cover_. She thought. Or so she thought. (Wait, is that redundant? Ah well.)

Once again, Usopp knew she was lying. _She has some ulterior motive_ he told himself _it could be a tr…no, what am I thinking, she wouldn't do that again…or would she?_ Usopp thought for a minute, looking Nami over. It was the first time he had really been able to look at her for more than a minute, and it was only now that he noticed… _wow, she really is…ah, _what am I thinking "Yeah, that'll be fine with me." he said quickly.

Nami smiled. "Alright then big guy, I'll see ya tomorrow."

As she left, Usopp smiled. He didn't realize why, but the thought of seeing more of that woman excited him.

End of Prologue. Pretty long prologue, but yeah, I think it works. See if you can guess who the villain of the piece will be! Read and Review.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Amaxing is not responsible for any lack of originality in this fanfic.

_Legal_ disclaimer: I no own One Piece

The Second Day 

Captains Log: June 2nd As I stood atop the crow's nest, my grand cape flowing behind me as the wind swept across the ship, my incredibly keen eyesight picked out a tiny brown and green spot amidst the vast ocean of blue. At the top of my lungs, I cried out in a proud, heroic voice "LAND HO!"

My crew was up on deck within an instant. The fair one, Nami, marveled at my ability to pick out the island from such a far distance, after all, she had not anticipated for us to be near the island for hours, amazingly enough, and was amazed that my navigational skills overshadowed even hers. ---- _Usopp is a liar—Nami_ _HEY! NO SCRIBBLING IN MY PRIVATE JOURNAL!!_ Robin, the older woman of the crew, was in equal amazement at my amazing navigational prowess, and flung herself upon me, asking me to take her as a bride. But I, in my all-exceeding humbleness, explained away my greatness and was able to turn her back towards Zoro.

As we landed upon the fair island of Nona Me', a group of Navy men attempted to arrest us. But, when they heard that this was the crew of the infamous Dread Captain Usopp, they fled in our terror. Smart on their part, I could have torn them apart in an instant with by bare hands.

After the Marine 'confrontation' (if one could call it that) the fair one reminded me of my promise to help her, and so I escorted her to the marketplace. As I walked, I could not help but admire the woman, and part of me wished that I could cast aside my powerful position as captain and become a simple member of the crew so that we could be together. However, my sense of responsibility as captain and brave warrior of the sea kept me from giving in. I did, however, permit myself to take her dancing, and when we returned to the ship tonight, I could tell that she had fallen head-over-heels for me. Not that I can really blame her, after all, she is a woman.

Actual events 

Usopp slept soundly in the crow's nest. As was normal when he slept, his dreams were full of his great, triumphant victories as Sogeking, his thoughts of what the island of Elbaf would look like, and the stories he would tell Kaya when he returned to his village. Among these familiar images, however, a new image floated through his mind. He saw a tangerine-haired woman standing on the deck of the Merry-go. As he watched her, she beckoned to him, saying 'Usopp'. 'Usopp'.

"Usopp! USOPP!"

Usopp woke with a start. He sat up quickly and frantically, searching for the source of the voice. As he searched, he saw a tangerine-haired woman staring up at him, yelling. _Oh great _he thought.

"USOPP! WAKE UP! WE ALMOST RAN INTO THE ISLAND JUST NOW!"

"Erm…I'm sorry Nami! I was just… testing your navigational ability! Have to keep you on your toes after all!"

"Right, right of course." Nami said, trying to hold in the smile forming on her lips. "And next you'll be telling me you had 8000 men armed to the teeth ready to catch the ship if I failed."

"Well, now that you mention it…" Nami laughed. Usopp smiled. Crisis averted.

"Oh, what's happened? Has Mr. Liar said something funny?"

Usopp jumped from the crow's nest, landing on the deck in front of Robin (who, just for the record, was the one who made the 'Mr. Liar' comment).

"Mr. Liar? What's that? I think I at least deserve 'Mr. Marksman' or 'Mr. God-man'."

"No, no, I'm thinking Mr. Liar fits just right."

"Or Mr. Long-nose" said Zoro as he walked up behind Robin "that might work too."

"HEY! Don't I get _any_ credit around here?"

"Oh, we're just kidding Usopp, _Right guys?_" Nami interjected, giving Zoro and Robin a stern look.

"Of course I was kidding," said Robin as she walked off.

"I wasn't" commented Zoro as he followed.

Usopp shook his head. "One day I'll teach that boy…"

"You'll teach him what?" Chopper teased as he walked by "How to run fast?"

Usopp took a double take. _Chopper_ was insulting him now? He knew that Chopper was only kidding, but the comment still stung. _ Is that how people really see me? As a lying, long-nosed coward?_

His thoughts were interrupted by Luffy's enthusiastic cry. "LAND HO!!!"

"Luffy, we landed ten minutes ago…" Sanji said, shaking his head.

"OH!" Luffy replied. "Then…why aren't we off yet?"

"Look in front of you, you idiot."

Luffy looked, and his jaw dropped. On the side of the ship, preparing to board, were at least three hundred trained marines. One of them held up a megaphone and yelled to the Straw Hats "STRAW HAT PIRATES! WE HAVE YOU SURROUNDED! SURRENDER OR WE WILL BOARD BY FORCE!"

The marine was answered by a voice. The voice of a Caucasian male who was roughly thirty-five and happened to be a cyborg. The response was quick, short, and to the point. It consisted of three words. "COUP DE VENT!"

The marines scattered. Literally. They were thrown left and right by the massive force of the blast. On the deck of the Thousand Suns, Franky stretched. "Morning everyone, what'd I miss?"

……………………………………………………………………………………………

It was mid-afternoon on the island of Nona Me'. Luffy had run off on his own, and was no doubt getting in some kind of trouble that he would, with no doubt, drag the rest of the crew into. Zoro and Robin had gone shopping (Robin at least, Zoro's actions would be more aptly described as 'being dragged along while grumbling about sword practice and witch-women'). Sanji had gone shopping as well, being careful to stay a safe distance from Zoro and checking regularly to see if Zoro finally made Robin break up with him. (Authors Note: Not in this fic Sanji, sorry.) Frank and Chop…yadda yadda yadda, you're not really reading about the rest of the crew, are you? You want to hear about Nami and Usopp. Fine. Be that way.

Nami and Usopp walked around the marketplace. They passed by the gardening store, and Usopp stopped.

"Hey, Nami! The stores back there!

Nami just stopped. There was an awkward silence. (No, there will be no awkward silence jokes in this fanfic, as tempting as it is).

"Nami? Are you alright?"

"Usopp…" She finally admitted. "I…didn't want you to come help me get seeds."

"I knew that."

'YOU DID?" Nami asked, whirling around in surprise.

"Yeah! You wanted me to come help you get fertilizer!"

Nami smacked her head. _Men._ She thought. After which she thought _Ow! I shouldn't have smacked my head so hard! That hurts!_

"That's not what I meant…I…"

"What?"

"I wanted to spend a day with you."

The truth was out. Relatively early, considering this is more than a two-part story. Of course, there are certain reasons for letting it out this early but…(am I breaking the fourth wall too much? Ah well.)

Usopp was stricken numb with surprise. _Wait…she likes me? I thought I was a comic relief character!_

Nami smiled. "Say something" she said softly. Alliteration.

"I…think we should go dancing." He said finally.

And so they went. Luckily, dance clubs on Nona Me' open at 2:00 Pm because of some strange, boring island custom that nobody has ever really taken time to explain. Usopp and Nami quickly became the stars of the dance floor. Some even recognized the 'great Gorgonzola's tutor' from Ontaria and asked him for lessons. (That's Usopp, by the way, for anyone who hasn't read the last fic.) For hours and hours they danced, and at 1:00 am, they finally left the club and headed back towards the ship.

Sanji was waiting up for them. "Where have you two _been?_ He asked, sounding like an over-concerned mother.

"Out." They responded. True enough.

Sanji strode away grumpily. Nami and Usopp turned towards each other.

"I had a great time tonight, Usopp," she said.

"I had a great time too, Nami." If Nami had keys, she'd be jingling them.

They stood for a minute. Then they both said "Good night" hurriedly and went to their rooms. Darn shyness. Gets in the way of fluff every time.

Chapter two is here! Finally. Sorry it's been so long, I've had so little to do over the summer that I haven't found time to write! (Does that make sense? Ah well.)


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: ……………………………………………

Amaxing: Where is he? SKYLER!!!

Skyler: (Enters) Yes, Mr. Amaxing.

A: There you are, you're running a bit late today.

S: Yes sir, sorry sir.

A: You have the disclaimer, yes?

S: Yes, sir.

A: Well don't just stand there! Read it!

S: "Amaxing fan fiction. Your one-stop store for all your non-Oda-sensei One Piece needs.'

A: Yes yes, as good as usual, good work Skyler.

S: Um…sir?

A: _What?_

S: Well, it's just I've been working here so long sir, I was wondering if….well…you could put me in a story?

A: (sighs) Skyler, let me explain something about fan fiction. You see, they have to be written about _real_ made-up characters.

S: Sir?

A: Well, you're a…. well, you're a _made-up­ _made-up character. If I wrote about you, it wouldn't be fan fiction… it'd be an actual story. I'm not allowed to do that, you see?

S: But I thought…

A: I'm sorry son, that's just the way it is. Now run along, get next installment's disclaimer ready.

S: (through gritted teeth) Yes. Sir. (Exits)

A: (To reader) What?

The Third Day

June 3rd: No entry.

It was a dark and moonlit night. The time was somewhere between 8:00 Pm and 6:00 Am. But, that kind of goes without saying, seeing as it was nighttime. Yeah. But then, just after the stroke of 2:00. They came.

The five strangers snuck cautiously onto the Thousand Suns. They crept slowly towards the women's quarters. As they reached the door, they breathed a sigh of relief, thinking they had avoided detection. They were wrong. As from nowhere, an explosion rocked the floor in front of the intruders.

"A THOUSAND SHOTS, A THOUSAND HITS. LALALALALA!!"

Usopp (for indeed, it was he) jumped from the mast and landed neatly in front of the strangers.

"HAHA! You're finished now! Any minute the rest of the crew will be out here, and _then_ you'll be sorry!"

Usopp waited. And waited. Unfortunately, he had not taken the fact that the entire crew had stayed up until 1:00 into account, and they were all so sound asleep that the sound of _ten_ explosions could not awaken them.

One of the five spoke. "Stand aside boy, we don't have to kill anyone."

"Wha... then why are you here?"

"We're just going to take a hostage" said a big (and apparently brainless) stranger "nothing too bad."

A female of the group smacked the dim-witted one on the head.

"T-T-T-Take a hostage?"

"Yes, it makes negotiating much less bloody."

"I…I won't let you!"

Usopp was quick on the draw. His hammer slipped from his backpack with skilled ease and he struck the front-most stranger square on the head. There was a small thud, and the stranger just stood there.

"What the…"

And then the stranger lunged at Usopp. The fist that landed in his stomach was at least one hundred times harder than human flesh. Usopp winced, gagged, and then fell to the floor. The strangers walked by him.

"WAIT!"

The strangers turned.

"Take…take me."

The hard-fisted one was shocked. "What?"

Usopp got to his feet slowly and forced a smile. "You said…you needed a hostage right? Take me. Leave her out of this." He of course, was talking about the orange-haired one.

A particularly crooked and bent over member of the squadron spoke for the first time. "Why not boss? Look at him, he _is_ weak enough to be a hostage…"

"Not like any of these lowlifes stand a chance against us" began the dim-witted one. "After all we're…"

Another smack from the female. The dumb one fell silent.

The leader thought for a moment. Finally, he decided. "Fine. Bluto, tie him up and put him onto the boat. Amber, leave the hostage note, but change the 'her's to 'his's."

"Gosh Boss, I'm not sure if I have to."

Usopp would have spoken up to defend himself. But he was greeted by a thunk on the head by the large one, named Bluto.

_Well..._ he thought as he faded from consciousness_. At least that one wasn't as hard as diamonds…._

……………………………………………………..7:00 Am………………..

Nami woke with a start. Sure, she always liked to wake up a little early, but this time it was different.

_Something has happened,_ she thought. _Now why did I think that?_ she thought almost immediately afterwards.

She decided to get up and check the decks. Maybe see if Usopp was up. She got dressed, then exited the women's quarters.

The first thing she saw was the gunpowder marks. She stared for a minute, trying to find the cannonball hole. Then she realized. _Usopp!_

The entire crew was awake within fifteen minutes. The intruders had obviously known Luffy, because the ransom note was found in the kitchen. Sanji read it slowly.

"Attention Monkey D. Luffy. We have your crewmate. If you ever want to see her again, be at Checkmate Rock at 5:00 Pm on June 5th. Do not attempt to attack us, or she will be killed.

IV

"IV? Said Chopper. "What kind of name is IV? Are they like hospital workers or something?"

"Chopper, what does IV have to do with a hospital?"

"Sorry…wrong time period…"

The crew stared for a moment, and Chopper began is awkward, embarrassed dance. There was silence.

"What do we do?" asked Sanji quietly.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHAT DO WE DO?" Nami screamed. "WE GO TO CHECKMATE ROCK AND GET OUR NAKAMA BACK!"

The crew was stunned. Nami gasped. She hadn't expected her reaction to be so…emotional. "You agree with me, right Luffy?"

Luffy nodded. "No matter what, we won't abandon our Nakama." It was good enough for any of them. They hurried to their positions. Then the Thousand Suns left Nona Me' port and cast off towards Checkmate Rock.

End of Day 3. I'm surprised it got out so fast, considering all the trouble we've had recently at Amaxing Inc. People work with you for a couple months and they think they qualify as characters…oy. It's hard having so many imaginary employees.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer

Lucille: Mr. Amaxing!

Amaxing: Ah, Lucille! Has Skyler sent up the latest disclaimer saying I don't own One Piece?

L: Yes…

A: And?

L: It's…. terrible sir.

A: Agh…(holds face) just as I feared.

L: It gets worse sir.

A: Worse?

L: You know the island of Enfergo?

A: Yeah…

L: They want their name changed, says it's too obvious a play on the word 'Inferno.'

A: It is a bit unoriginal…all right, send a wire down to Enfergo, and tell them their name is…. Bloodstone Cliffs, they'll like that…and as for Sky, tell him if he can think up a really cool name/plot/character trait/weakness for himself then he _might_ get himself a story.

L: Yes sir. (runs off)

A: (To reader) You just can't imagine good help these days.

The Fourth Day

June 4th. No entry

When Usopp came to, the first thing he saw was grey. Grey, damp stone to be exact. After a quick examination of his surroundings, Usopp deduced he was in some sort of holding cell. He got up cautiously, his head and stomach still aching from the stranger's attacks.

"Look who's finally decided to wake up."

Usopp looked for the source of the noise. His search was aided significantly by the fact that the speaker was waving at him from across the cell block.

"Where…where am I?" he asked.

"Checkmate rock, mate."

"Checkmate rockmate?

"No…Checkmate rock, mate."

"Um…right. Why am I in as cell?"

"Cause you're a pirate, aren't ya, mate?"

"Yeah…"

"Yup, and this is where hostage pirates go. It's the governments eternal holding cell for those unlucky enough to be kidnapped for negotiation, mate."

Looking around, he saw that the rows of cells stretched for miles. Each cell held at least one prisoner, but others had four, five, even up to nine prisoners at a time.

"Why are there so many people here?"

"Because the government doesn't realize that kidnapping crewmates doesn't work, does it, mate?"

"What?" The concept of abandoning a crewmate was, of course, as foreign to Usopp as it was to any of the Straw Hats.

"Well, take me for example. I was taken by CP4 at least five years ago. The government wanted to negotiate with the then Dread Pirate Roberts, thought holding me prisoner and threatening to kill me would cause him to retire or some rubbish like that, can you imagine that, mate?"

"Well, yeah actually, I can."

"Then either you or your captain is a soft fool."

"I agree with both."

The mystery man was silent for a moment. "Then…I'd say you're right lucky to be who you are, mate" he said softly.

A light bulb suddenly went off in Usopp's head (well, a candle really, they didn't have light bulbs back then, heck they didn't even have 'incandescent lamps' yet.)

"Did you say CP4?"

"That's right. Government's private squadron for kidnapping and negotiation with criminals. Ruddy waste of time if you ask me, mate."

Usopp laughed. "I was worried for a moment there."

"What's so funny"?

Usopp smiled a big smile. "My crews the one that took down CP_9_, the secret killing machine that isn't supposed to exist! We can easily take down 4."

"Oh, now I wouldn't say that, mate." The stranger's face turned grim…mer.

"What do you mean by that?"

"Well, CP9 may have been the government's secret killing squad but…"

"BUT???"

The stranger saw the worry crossing Usopp's face, and put on a big, obviously fake smile. "But nothing! You're absolutely right, mate!"

Usopp was not convinced. "But. What." It was not a question. It was a demand.

The stranger's smile lowered. "But…well… they're powerful enough to keep us 8,000 plus pirates under control in this prison, aren't they? Not only that, but think about it, mate. You're crews as strong as it is, yet they were able to take you easily, weren't they?"

"Well yes….but…."

"But nothing, mate. It's scary really. From what I hear, everyone of the main members of CP4 has one of those devil-power things. Never a good sign, mate."

Usopp looked down. _What can I do?_ He looked around him. He saw hundreds on thousands of men, broken men. Broken by years of hoping and having their hopes destroyed. Dreaming and having their dreams crushed. It was almost too much to bear.

Inspiration struck like….like…something that strikes suddenly and quickly. Lightning! Let's use lightning. Inspiration struck like lightning. _The only thing keeping these people from fighting is their lack of will! If I raised morale in here…I'd have a virtual army! I could defeat CP4 before my crew even gets here!_

"HAHAHAHAHA!" Usopp let a loud heroic laugh. "Here me people! I am non other than the Dread Pirate Captain Usopp! And I have permitted myself to be captured by the weaklings that are CP4 so that you will be FREED!!!"

There was a soft murmur among the prisoners. The murmur turned to a low hum, then a dull roar, then, finally, into a standing ovation.

Usopp smiled. He raised his hand then lowered it slowly. The crowd's applause died down. "You" he pointed at the stranger across from him "what's you're name?"

"Sid, Sid Needle, mate." (Bad pun alert)

"Well, Mr. Needle. We have a jailbreak to plan."

Sid smiled, and then gave a salute. "Ay ay captain."

………The Thousand Suns………………10:00 Pm………………………………

After much persuasion from the crew, Nami finally stopped navigating the ship and went to the galley to eat something. Sanji, like the voluntary love slave he was, quickly prepared a miniature feast. He waited at the other side of the table, hoping Nami would approve of his culinary genius.

Nami picked at her food. She rolled a drumstick around in her plate, picking off the skin here and there and nibbling on it. Finally, she pushed the plate away.

"I'm not hungry."

"But Nami-san, you haven't eaten anything all day!"

"You would know this how?"

"Oh, come off it, you know very well how I would know."

"True enough."

Sanji looked at her with concern. _Something's wrong_ he thought. _No duh, something's wrong_ he thought immediately afterwards _one of our Nakama isn't here!_

"Hey" he said softly. Nami looked up. "He'll be alright. The lord takes good care of his idiots."

"That explains why you're not dead yet, huh?" It didn't sound playful as usual. In fact, it almost sounded…well…queasy, for lack of a better word.

Sanji bit his lip. Then he sighed. "Nami… forget the fact that all I've done since I've met you is try to get you and tell me what's going on."

"I thought this kind of emotional talk was supposed to be between two girls."

"Well, if it makes you feel any better, imagine I'm a girl then. A girl with very masculine features who happens to be crazy for other girls."

Nami managed a weak laugh. Sanji managed a weak smile. It was nice that he was able to cheer her up a little but… the sight of Nami like this was too depressing for true happiness.

"Sanji…you have to promise you won't tell anyone…"

"Would I break a promise to a woman?"

"Even if that promise was that you'd never try to make her your girlfriend ever again?"

"Would you stop with the sarcasm? You sound like Zoro for Pete's sake."

Nami gasped. She'd never heard Sanji actually criticize a woman before.

"You know…don't you?"

"I've always known, as much as I've tried to ignore it."

"Then…you understand why I'm so down…right?"

"Of course. Though I often wonder what crapshooter has that draws you towards him. I just hope it's not that whole misconception about the size of a man's nose."

"Gosh, I'd never even thought about that but now that you mention it…. oh!" She blushed. Had she really just thought that?

"Well, I see I've only made things worse for myself."

"Oh, Sanji, you know deep down that you're too old for me…now…Vivi on the other hand…"

"Hm?" Sanji was interested.

"Oh, but now, I really shouldn't talk about that…"

"No, no, I don't mind."

"No really…. although, I guess I could be persuaded for…"

She stopped. Could she really extort money from anyone now of all times?

Zoro burst into the kitchen. "Call me crazy" he began "but I have the strangest feeling that Nami just turned down a witch-woman moment."

"NAMI-SAN IS NOT A WITCH-WOMAN!"

Then Zoro saw Nami, head down over the table. His intention to take advantage of the moment by asking Nami to forget his debt was forgotten.

"Nami? Is everything alright?"

"Yes, Zoro, Usopp has been kidnapped and I've lost all my will to 'be a witch-woman', so, of course, everything is alright."

"NAMI-SAN IS NOT A…. oh wait, never mind."

Zoro was stunned for a minute. "You've been on the same ship as me too long…" he muttered. There was silence for a minute as the two men looked at Nami. "I'll kick his ass" Zoro said finally.

"What?" Nami asked, confused.

"Whoever it is that did this to Usopp, I promise that I'll kick his ass."

Nami smiled. "Thanks, Zoro." She rose, and exited the galley silently.

Sanji glared at Zoro.

"What?" Zoro asked. "You can't honestly think I _meant_ to make her feel better, did you?"

Sanji said nothing. He just shook his head in disbelief. It was bad enough that Zoro had Robin as a girlfriend, but now Nami preferred _Zoro _to him? What was the world coming to?

And Chapter/Day four… is done.

Lucille: More bad news sir.

Amaxing: What now?

L: Alighieri in marketing wants a Yu-gi-oh fic written about him…

A: No freaking way. Not on littlekuriboh's life.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: ……………..

ONE TWO THREE FOUR!

FANFICTION'S AWESOME!

FANFICTION'S WEIRD!

FANFICTION'S AWESOME AND FANFICTION'S WEIRD

AND I DON'T OWN ANYTHING IN THIS STO-RY GRRRRRL!

(Smashes guitar)

Disclaimer for Disclaimer: The disclaimer shown above is not completely original, but is an adaptation of a SBEmail song. (Audience boos at lack of originality)

The Dawn of the Fifth

8:00 Am. A meeting room above the holding cells on Checkmate Rock. Petro Kingsley paced the room back and forth, lost in thought. He looked at his tightly clenched fist, the same fist that had punched Usopp in the stomach, and sighed. _I shouldn't be this nervous_ he thought to himself. _Even if they _do_ come, they'll never be able to take this place. _The recent newspaper headlines flashed across his mind. _Straw Hat Pirates Raid Enies Lobby_. He shuddered. _It was a fluke,_ he told himself. As if he believed a word of it.

"You wanted to see us, boss?"

April Queensland, the female who had been aboard the Thousand Suns on the night of the kidnapping, walked cautiously into the room.

"Yes, all of you. And please, stop calling me boss, that's disrespectful to Fischer."

"Of course, b… of course."

"You look a bit nervous, Kingsley" came a voice from the doorway.

Armando Bishop walked calmly into the room. Following closely behind his crooked back came Bluto Blutarski, AKA the dim-witted one.

"Well, gosh Army, why wouldn't he be nervous? I mean after all, these Straw Pirates were the ones that took out CP9 and that monster Rob Lucci!"

April smacked him over the head. Bluto fell silent.

"And here I thought the great Kingsley knew no fear" remarked Bishop snidely.

"That's enough of that" came a proud, almost-noble voice from the hallway.

Ellsworth Knightly, also known as 'The White Knight' (for reasons that even I, the omnipotent narrator, do not know) walked into the room. Back straight and tall. One could call him a perfect gentleman (that is, if he wasn't one of the bad guys).

"So, just to clarify, we _are_ here to discuss the Straw Hats, right, not boss?" Queensland asked.

"Yes…" said Kingsley. "I think it's best we have a plan in case they don't come quietly."

"Provided they come at all" said Bishop with a sneer.

"They'll come," said Ellsworth "the Straw Hats seem like noble stock, even if they are pirates."

"Yes…that's what I'm afraid of…" started Kingsley.

"Afraid?" laughed Bishop. "What's to be afraid of?" I'd like to see them get past the Pawns, let alone take us down if it comes to it."

"There were 10,000 trained soldiers at Enies lobby," remarked Kingsley. "We only have two thousand 'Pawns' here."

"But, not boss! Everyone knows that the Pawns are ten times more powerful then a _normal_ soldier. That means we really have 20,000, right?"

"They _say_ the Pawns are more powerful…but the government says a lot of things doesn't it?"

"Are you considering defecting Kingsley?" came a cold, sinister voice from the door.

The five turned. Ace Fischer walked slowly into the room, his face not showing emotion but his eyes seething with anger and disbelief. He stared at Kingsley, and Kingsley stared back, afraid to look away, afraid of what the monster in front of him would do to him if he even _breathed_ out of line.

A mocking smiled formed on Fischer's lips. "Well, Kingsley? I'm waiting."

"Yes sir…I mean, NO sir. I'd never even _think_ of defecting, sir."

"Good, because if you _do_ think it, I'll know." And they all believed him too. They all knew that Fischer had power beyond imagination. Rumors that he could read minds, change the direction of the wind, blow things up at will, and even control the sea had flown about Checkmate Rock for years. No one knew how many were true.

Fischer turned to address the five of them, his eyes still not leaving Kingsley's. "Here is what you shall do. You shall allow the Straw Hats one chance and _only_ one chance to surrender. If not, then you will send the Pawns out to destroy their ship. If the Pawns are defeated, the five of you will see to it that the Straw Hats are killed. And if, as I expect, _you_ fail as well, _I_ will take care of them, and then I shall kill you all."

There were five salutes, followed by five loud, clear cries of "Yes, Sir!" Fischer left, leaving the five standing there, too frightened to move until they knew he was far away.

……………..The Holding Cells……………………9:00 Am……………………………

Usopp reviewed the plan once more, than applauded himself for his own genius.

"It's brilliant, Sid! If I do say so myself."

"I don't know, mate…."

"How can you not know? One of us will fake sick, then jump the guard that comes in to check on us, take his keys and lock him in the cell. Then we'll release the prisoners, transform them into an army, and Checkmate Rock will be ours!"

"There's only one problem with that, mate…" said Sid.

"What?"

"Well…you see mate, when a prisoner on Checkmate Rock gets sick…they get 'checked on' all right, but more of in a 'gets walled in to his cell and mysterious turns into a pile of ashes' kind of way."

"WHAT?"

"Well that's what happens… Blutarski and Fischer come down here, Blutarski walls the prisoner off with Fischer inside the cell, then after a minute, tears the walls down and all you see if Fischer there, alone, with black dust on the floor that wasn't there before."

"AGH! That guy sounds like a monster!"

"No joke, mate. So the plan won't work because of that, and, if you haven't noticed, there _are_ no guards in this place, mate."

"Oh…right." And then inspiration struck like lightning again. "In that case, I've got just the thing to get us out of here!"

…………………The Thousand Suns…………12:00 Pm………………………….

The crew ate lunch in silence. A rare occasion for the Straw Hats. All were thinking the same thing. _Five more hours. Five more hours._

Franky was the first to verbalize. "Five more hours…"

"Mhm…"" came a soft murmur from Robin.

"I wonder…do you think we should have a plan?"

The crew looked shocked at the statement. Not because of what it meant, but because it had been Luffy that said it.

"Well…that would be best…" agreed Zoro.

"There's only one problem really" said Chopper.

"What's that Chopper?" asked Sanji, speaking for the entire crew, really.

"Well…whenever we need a plan…it's Usopp that makes it, isn't it?"

The crew was silent for a minute. "It's true," said Zoro, finally.

"Yeah, he's actually pretty smart when he's not hysterical or fraught with terror" admitted Sanji. The crew nodded its agreement. There was silence. Then Nami, who had said nothing all day, was struck with inspiration. (Gosh, that idiom is used _way_ too much in this story).

"I have a plan," she said.

The crew turned to her. "Well?" said Luffy. "What is it?"

"We have to do the thing that will most throw them off guard, the thing that they least expect."

"What's that?" No one actually said it, but the feeling radiated from everyone at the table.

Nami leaned in and smiled a conniving smile. Then she mouthed a single word. "Surrender."

End Of Chapter 5. We at Amaxing Fan Fiction would like to thank good old Skyler for getting out of his slump/strike thing and writing another awesome disclaimer! Snaps for Skyler!


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: Today, I'm not going to say that I don't own One Piece. Oh…shoot. Never mind.

Surrender?

……………….Checkmate Rock………….5:00 Pm……………………………………….

"It's time."

Petro Kingsley watched as the Straw Hats pulled the Thousand Suns up to the dock on Checkmate Rock. He gave Queensland the signal, and she pulled a lever, raising gate from underwater and closing them behind the Straw Hats, effectively locking the Straw Hats in.

Knightly smiled. "They came," he said.

"Idiots" replied Bishop.

A voice came over a Den-Den Mushi intercom. Blutarski's voice. Uh-oh.

"Attention Straw Hats…uh… line?.. SURRENDER…line? …OR! … line? … DIE! Did I get it right Ms. Queensland? What? What's on? Oh ...that. Where do I shut it off again? Oh… there. Right. THERE! What? What do ya mean it's still on? I ju…"

Queensland smacked Bluto over the head, and then shut the Den-Den Mushi off herself.

Luffy's voice came loud and clear over the island. "WE SURRENDER!"

The five members of CP4 were stunned.

"What did he say?" asked Bluto.

"They…surrendered…" said Bishop, unbelieving.

"They're…so…NOBLE!" said Knightly, blowing his nose on his sleeve.

"Compose yourself!" Kingsley snapped. "Queensland, send the Pawns out to fetch them."

"_All_ the Pawns, not boss?"

"Yes, _all_ the Pawns, we don't want to take any chances."

Queensland spoke into the Den-Den Mushi. "Pawns, escort the Straw Hats to the holding cells."

Two thousand soldiers marched out to the Thousand Suns and quickly surrounded the Straw Hats. They only made it halfway back to the holding cells.

"600,000 BERI JACKPOT!!!!"

And then, where there once had stood two thousand well-trained soldiers armed to the teeth, there now only stood seven Straw Hats.

"Damn." Said Kingsley.

"That was scary!" said Bluto.

SMACK! went Queensland.

"SUCH UNDERHANDEDNESS!" yelled Knightly.

"Expected as much" said Bishop.

Down below, Nami relayed the plan. It was simple enough really.

"Alright! Luffy, Chopper, find Usopp and break him out! The rest of us will cover you!"

See, told you. Simple enough.

Up above in the viewing room (which was where CP4 was watching all this from) Kingsley gave his team the signal. "Let's go." Easy enough to understand, eh?

The prisons of Checkmate Rock held a built in 'fail-safe' security mechanism. Cliffs had been manmade on either side of the prison, so that the only way to enter was, literally, through the front door. Then, before one reached the actual cells, one had to pass through six wide circular rooms (which normally served as the Pawns' camps). (AN: and it makes things a whole lot easier for me to write too (winks).)

As the Straw Hats entered the first room, Knightly stood in front of them, in tears.

"HOW COULD YOU BE SO UNDERHANDED?" he cried. "YOU SHOULD HAVE FOUGHT LIKE REAL MEN!"

He was blasted aside by a 'coup de vent' from Franky. "I'll take this guy, he seems decent."

Second room: Bishop. "Where do you think you're going?" he asked sinisterly. He was quickly grabbed and held down by four pairs of Hana-Hana hands.

"I'll take care of him captain-san." Robin said.

"Be careful!" yelled Zoro as they ran off.

Third Room: Kingsley. "Monkey D. Luffy! You're mine!" he yelled, lunging forward.

Zoro stopped him short. "You can't go for the Captain without taking out the first mate, can you?"

Kingsley smiled. "Fine, it will all work out the same anyway."

Fourth Room: April

"I'll take this one!" yelled Sanji, his eyes in the shape of hearts. Queensland smiled and led Sanji over to the side of the room. _Too easy_ she thought.

"That means the next one's mine!" yelled Nami, as they neared the fifth room.

Fifth room: Blutarski.

"O C'MON!" yelled Nami. "WHY DO I GET THE REALLY BIG GUY?"

"Should I take him instead?" asked Luffy.

"No! Stick to the plan!" She yelled.

"Alright!" yelled Luffy and Chopper as they ran forward.

Sixth Room: Empty?

Luffy and Chopper ran into the sixth room. They saw no one. "What the?" said Luffy. "Huh! An entire empty room! That's easy enough, eh Chopper?"

But Chopper knew better. "LOOK OUT!" he cried, and he pushed Luffy out of the way just as the ground beneath them exploded.

"Monkey D. Luffy…" said Ace Fischer. "Shall we begin?"

It's short. I know. But this just part of the chapter just _screams_ END HERE! END HERE! So I did. Sue me. No I take that back, don't sue me. PLEASE don't sue me. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE….

This part of the author's final note has been edited out due to repetitiveness. Thank You. (Signed, Dante Cervantes. Editor.)


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to remember Amaxing, who recently died of 'I don't own One Piece' disorder.

Amaxing: I'M NOT DEAD YET!!!

Skyler: Give it time boss, give it time.

A showdown, or six.

Room One: Franky vs. Knightly

The two men stared each other down, daring the other to make the first move. Knightly had dried his tears and now looked at Franky with (polite?) disdain. Franky's hair stood like a giant quaff of…. something that comes in quaffs, on his head.

After a period of silence, Franky struck first. "WEAPONS LEFT!"

The bullets shot straight for Knightly. The 'white knight' didn't budge. The projectiles sank deep into his chest, but the CP4 member did not flinch. (A/N: How many different names for one character can one come up with?)

"What the…" started Franky, but he was cut short by Ellsworth's battle cry.

"CLEAN STREAK!"

"What kind of lame battle cry is…" but he stopped as something shot out of Knightly's hand, landing on his chest. Franky expected nothing to happen, but let out a cry of surprise when he saw the metal that covered his chest begin to corrode.

"Confused?" said Knightly, amused by the look of shock on his opponent's face. "Let me clue you in. Upon entering CP4, each member is given a devil fruit in hopes of strengthening the power that the World Government holds. Mine is the Bleach-Bleach fruit! It lets me corrode through any substance with unlimited amounts of bleach! And it keeps my clothes clean too."

"Bleach?" said Franky. "Of all the cool devil fruit powers you could have had, you get _bleach?_" Franky bust out laughing. "Aw man! That's _super_ lame on your part!"

The laughter was silenced when a ten-gallon cannonball of bleach smacked Franky in the…. 'forbidden zone'.

"NOT COOL!" said Franky, his voice an octave higher. "NOT COOL AT ALL!" He lunged forward. "STRONG RIGHT!" His right fist shot forward, but was consumed by Knightly's body. He felt his hand begin to corrode, he yelped and pulled back.

"Did I forget to mention that Bleach-Bleach is a logia fruit, so my entire body is made of bleach too? Oops! Sorry, my bad!" It would have been a perfectly good sarcastic battle taunt if Ellsworth hadn't meant it.

Franky gritted his teeth. It was time to get serious. He connected his arms with a T-shaped pipe. "1.5 LITER COUP DE VENT!"

An enormous cannonball of compressed air shot out at Knightly. Knightly gasped, and then was lifted off his feet, smacking into the wall behind him. He smiled. "Did you really think that was going to work?"

"Maybe," said Franky. _Darn it! I thought that would work!_

Franky's hair fell down so that it resembled Elvis' hairdo. _Double darn it! I'm all out of cola!_

"It appears you've run out of gas, eh?" Knightly held his hand up and a ball of bleach slowly began to form inside.

_Shoot! What do I do, what do I do, what do I… AHA!_

Flashback

"C'MON _PLEASE?_

"No, Chopper."

"PLEASE?!??!"

"NO, Chopper."

"But…but I want to see what would happen!"

"For the last time, I'm not putting coffee in my fridge! It's one of the most putrid, vile things on the planet!"

"I take offense at that" said Robin.

"Why? Did I say _you_ were the one of the most putrid, vile…. you know, I'm going to stop talking now."

"Good idea now put the coffee in."

"But…"

Robin folded her hands.

"ALRIGHT, I'LL DO IT!!" He wasn't prepared to have his…. forbidden zone… 'crushed like grapes' again.

End of Flashback.

Franky sighed. "I'll hate myself in the morning…" he reached into his pocket, pulled out three liter bottles of coffee and quickly stowed them in his fridge. "OY!" he cried to Ellsworth. "I'd suggest just giving up, you don't have to get hurt!"

"I _can't _get hurt by any of your pathetic little attacks, don't you get it?" The bleach had expanded to the size of a small meteorite. "NOW LET'S FINISH THIS!" cried Knightly "BLEACH BALL! SERVICE ACE!" The ball shot towards Franky. Franky simply stood there, then, right when the ball should have hit him, he wasn't there.

"What the…"

"It may be putrid…" came a voice from behind Knightly. Ellsworth slowly turned around to find Franky five inches behind him. "But DAMN what a rush!"

"What…. how…"

"SUPER FRESH FIRE STORM!"

And for those of you who don't know. Bleach. Burns.

As Knightly ran towards the ocean, desperate to put himself out, Franky frowned. "And I thought 'saved by coffee' was just an expression…" He shrugged, and then ran towards the holding cells.

Room Two: Robin vs. Bishop

Bishop struggled for a minute, then broke free of the Hana-Hana hands binding him. He stood up slowly.

"Come now my pretty" said Bishop sleazily "there's no need for you to get hurt."

"Don't worry" replied Robin "I won't be."

"Feisty" said Bishop, licking his lips.

Robin sighed, and then folded her hands. "SIXTEEN FLEUR CLUTCH!" The hands appeared and pulled down. But their target was no longer there. "What the…" then she let out a gasp as a gash appeared on her side and her body reeled with pain.

"Not so confident now are we?" Robin whirled around to find Bishop behind her. In one hand he held a long, jagged dagger, red from the wound it had just made. Bishop laughed. "I partook of the quick-quick fruit! So running faster than the eye can see is no problem for me!"

"Pardon me Mr. Bad guy, but can't people do that _without_ using a devil fruit?"

"Well…. uh…yeah, perhaps."

"Then why is that so special?"

"IT JUST IS! NOW SHUT UP YOU WITCH-WOMAN!"

"ROBIN-CHAN IS NOT A WITCH-WOMAN!!!!" came Sanji's voice from two rooms away.

Bishop ignored the love-cook's cry. He hunched over (even more than usual) and dashed forward again. This time a gash appeared on Robin's other side. She gasped in pain again.

"Not so tough are you?" said Bishop. He lunged forward a third time.

_This is just annoying_ thought Robin. She folded her hands, and in front of her, one hundred hands sprung up from the ground and grasped simultaneously. Armando Bishop fell face-first to the ground. One had hit its target. Robin vanished the other ninety-nine hands. Then she yelled. "CIEN FLEUR COIL!"

Fifty pairs of hands grasped Bishop and bent him backwards. They pulled harder and harder, until the CP4 member's head touched his toes. There was a snap, and Robin let go.

"That's what you get for having an unoriginal power," Robin said calmly, and she walked towards the next room.

Room Three: Zoro vs. Kingsley

Zoro held Wado and Kitetsu out in front of him, prepared to counter if and when Kingsley made the first move. But Kingsley just stood there. Waiting. As if he had all the time in the world.

"What are you doing?" asked Zoro, infuriated.

"Stalling, what's it look like I'm doing?"

"What?"

"Well, I mean, let's face it, I'm going to die here, so every minute I'm not fighting you is a minute I get to live."

"I could just walk by you know, then you wouldn't have to die."

"Oh, but then Fischer would kill me, it's much better if you do it."

"O…k…" said Zoro, he walked forward, placed Wado on Kingsley's neck. Kingsley did not budge. He pulled back. The man did not flinch. He swung forward with all his might. Zoro closed his eyes. He did not want to witness such a disgraceful death.

CLANG.

_Clang?_ Thought Zoro _why on earth did it go…._" And then he felt something akin to the force of a two-ton boulder plunge into his stomach. Zoro was thrown backwards. He landed against the wall on the opposite side of the room and slid down, landing with a sickening thud.

"Oh, by the by, I ate the Gem-Gem fruit, model Diamond, so my entire body is pretty much invulnerable to anything. Sorry about that." This time it was a sarcastic taunt.

_Great_ thought Zoro_ just my luck. Five members and I get the one made of an unscratchable rock. Wait, is unscratchable even a word? Ah well._

Zoro rose slowly to his feet. He lunged forward. "ONI GIRI!" The blades were deflected by Kingsley's skin. "TIGER TRAP!" No avail. "148 PUND CANNON!" Kingsley moved back an inch, but did not even grunt in reaction to the hit. He swung his right arm forward. Backward rush. Smack in wall. Slide down.

Zoro lay on the floor. _This is just like when I fought Daz…_ he thought. And then the answer cam to him (in the form of a conveniently narrative flashback).

Flashback

Daz Bones lay on the ground of Alabasta, sliced through by Zoro. He spoke with great difficulty. "Next time…. will you cut through diamonds?"

Zoro paused, not looking back. "I don't know yet." It was true enough.

End Flashback.

"I know now," said Zoro, climbing to his feet. He sheathed Kitetsu and held Wado in both hands.

"Know what?" asked Kingsley. His next words would be "What the…"

"SHISHI SHONSON!"

Zoro lunged forward, all the time concentrating on the ever-beating breath of his sword and of Kingsley. He visualized cutting off that diamondback's breath with Wado's. It worked.

"What the…" exclaimed Kingsley, as he fell down. "How?"

"You wouldn't understand," said Zoro. He sheathed Wado and ran towards the next room.

Room Four: Sanji vs. Queensland

Sanji stared. Queensland smiled. _A pervert_ she thought _this will be too easy._ She winked. Sanji's eyes turned to hearts, and he swooned. "Well Mr. Big, muscular, chef? Aren't you going to attack me?"

"Well…I should but…ROBIN-CHAN IS NOT A WITCH-WOMAN!!"

"What?"

"I have good hearing."

"Oh, I'll bet you do, Mr. Handsome." Said April, winking again. "I bet you can hear every word I'm thinking can't you?"

"Mhm" said Sanji, too mesmerized to register what she was actually saying.

"You know…" said April, having fun. "I ate the drop-drop fruit, so my body's entirely made of water."

"Mhm."

"And, If I want to…I can make anything…wet."

Sanji fell down in love. Any more and it would surely kill him.

April gave a faint chuckle. She collected water in her hand and then, grinning mischievously, splashed it onto her top. She was wearing a white T-shirt. You get the idea.

And Sanji fainted, happier than he had ever been in his life.

April's smile turned to a look of disgust. She brought her hands up, and then yelled "APRIL SHOWER!"

A column of water rained down on Sanji's head. Sanji breathed in, found that there was no air, and woke up with a start. He tried to move, but caught sight of April's wet T-shirt, magnified by the water that was suffocating him. He fainted again.

Fifth Room: Nami vs. Bluto.

Editor's note. It is important to note here that the only cliché that Blutarski knows is "trapped like a rat." That is all.

"BWAHA!" laughed Blutarski. "Trapped like a rat!"

Four dirt walls surrounded Nami. They had sprung up around her the moment Luffy had left the room.

"BWUHUH, you're trapped like a rat now orange girl, thanks to my Rook-Rook fruit, which…"

"Lets you make walls out of anything, right?"

"Uh…yeah… and thanks to that your…"

"Trapped like a rat, right?"

"Uh…yeah…"

Nami heard a loud splash. She climbed one of the walls, looked through the doorway back, and saw Sanji being drowned by a waterfall that was coming out of nowhere.

_I'd say that's weird but…well, that's par for the course around here._

She got on top of the wall and jumped.

And ran straight into a wall of air.

_Ow_ thought Nami.

"BWAHUH! You're not getting away from me, you're trapped like a rat!"

"Then I'll just have to blow you away, won't I?"

"Wha…"

"CYCLONE TEMPO!"

And a giant whirlwind erupted from the Clima Tact.

"BWAHA!" laughed Bluto, raising a wall of air to block the attack. "DID YOU THINK THAT WAS GOING TO…. uh…"

But Nami was gone, sailing through the air with the force of the blast. Sailing towards the never-ending waterfall.

Room Four: Nami to the rescue

She landed nimbly on the floor of the fourth room. With lightning speed, she charged the thunder rod, throwing it at April. It passed right through.

"What was that?"

"That was my thunder lance tempo." Nami said. She held up the other two rods, and a giant bolt of lightning burst between the two parts, electrifying April, causing her to fall to the ground.

Nami walked over and smacked Sanji. "WAKE UP PERVERT!"

"Ms. Nami! You saved me!" Sanji exclaimed, dancing around with hearts in his eyes. "Does that mean…"

"NO."

"Fine. How may I serve you?"

Blutarski appeared behind Nami. "Kill him," said Nami, pointing up.

Room Four: Sanji vs. Blutarski.

To make a long story short: "MUTTON MALLET!"

"And don't you ever go near Ms. Nami again!" said Sanji, crossing his hands triumphantly.

Nami smacked him. "THIS IS NO TIME FOR POSES!" she yelled. "LET'S GO GET USOPP!" They ran towards the door, Zoro, Robin, and Franky not far behind.

Room Six: One-sided battle.

Luffy and Chopper both lay on the floor, panting. What was going on? One minute Luffy had been attacking with 'Gum Gum Gatling Gun' and Chopper had been ready to smack Fischer with his Rumble-ball induced 'Arm Point'. The next, there had been a giant explosion, a mushroom cloud has appeared, and they were both on the floor, weak and helpless.

"The Nuke-Nuke fruit" Fischer explained to what he assumed to be dead bodies, "allows me to produce atomic explosions, explosions that are a thousand times more powerful than a regular bomb. They also produce undiscovered radiation, which causes pain and suffering to anyone who gets in its way. Most people at such a close proximity would be vaporized…" he mused. "But I guess you're no normal, are you?"

It was at this point that Nami, Franky, Zoro, Robin, and Sanji entered the room.

"LUFFY!" screamed Nami.

"GET UP!" screamed Zoro "IF YOU DIE, I"LL KILL YOU!"

"More victims…" Fischer said before the rest could utter equally shocked and hysterical reactions. "Very well then." He slowly raised his arm.

"GET HIM!" yelled Franky, and the five of them dashed forward.

"NO!" yelled Luffy.

"5K ATOM BOMBER!"

There was an explosion, a mushroom cloud, and then all was silent.

End of Chapter.


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: One Piece? Uh…that's no mine.

The Dread Captain

The smoke settled. Sanji, Zoro, Robin, Nami, and Franky lay on the ground, weak and confused. They looked up, and saw what had saved them.

"LUFFY!" cried Nami.

Luffy stood, his arms stretched out in front of his crew. He had absorbed the main force of the blast, saving the other five from certain death. He fell to the ground, unconscious.

"Is he…" started Franky.

Chopper checked his pulse. "No. He's still alive. I don't believe it."

"Neither do I." Fischer said coldly. "But we have ways of correcting such problems." He raised his arm to finish them.

A rotten egg struck him in the face.

"HAHAHAHAHAHA!" came a heroic voice from across the room. (Three guesses whom.) Fischer turned to face this new, annoying adversary.

"I AM THE DREAD CAPTAIN USOPP, FEARLESS WARRIOR OF THE SEAS!" Usopp screamed, his knees shaking the whole time. "SURRENDER NOW, I HAVE 8000 FOLLOWERS READY TO ATTACK ON MY SIGNAL!"

"OF ALL THE TIMES CRAPSHOOTER!" yelled Sanji weakly. "THIS ISN'T A TIME TO FOOL AROUND!"

"Yes, that is about the worst lie I've heard in my entire life" remarked Fischer.

"It would be…" said Usopp "if I was lying." He snapped his fingers. The walls to the room caved in, revealing 8000 bloodthirsty pirates behind Usopp.

"Oh shit" said Fischer.

"CHAAAAAAARGE!" screamed Usopp.

The 8000 men ran towards Fischer, Usopp leading the way. Fischer was stunned, but only momentarily. He thrust his arm forward. "8000K ATOM BLAST!"

There was a gigantic flash, a loud bang, and smoke filled the entire room. After a while it cleared, to reveal all of the men piled in heaps around the room. All but one that is.

"You should be dead," remarked Fischer.

"I have a knack for not dying," taunted Usopp, leaning heavily on his knees to keep from falling down.

"Well, as I like to say," smiled Fischer, "we have ways of correcting such problems."

"Before you kill me," Usopp wheezed, "may I say something?"

"Go right ahead."

Usopp took a deep breath, and then fell to the ground on his knees. "PLEASE! DON'T KILL ME! I'LL DO ANYTHING! ANYTHING! JUST SPARE ME!"

Fischer flinched. How could anyone be capable of such spineless behavior? Usopp smiled. It was all the hesitation he needed. He leapt from his spot, planting a hand on Fischer's face. He smirked, but the triumph within it was reduced by the knowledge of what was going to happen next.

Backflash…err…Flashback

"What is that?" asked Sid, leaning close to his bars to see Usopp.

"It's called an impact dial."

"What does it do?"

"Well, if I were to hit this thing with a hammer right now, nothing would happen. But if I pressed this to something, it would be hit with the same force as the hammer!"

"It sure is nice that CP4 let you keep all your weapons with you."

"Yeah, don't you just love narrative conveniences?"

"What?"

"I said, that's lucky, isn't it?"

"That's what I thought you said, anyway, why are you fooling around with that thing then?'

"Well, on the sky island where I got this, there was a dial that amplified any hit it took times ten! I think I've finally figured out how to replicate that!"

"How?"

Usopp pointed to the center of the dial. "You see this? This is where the dial absorbs the impact. And this…" He pointed to the outside edge of the dial "is where the impact comes out. Notice anything?"

"Nope."

"Of course you don't. But I did some measuring, and they're exactly the same size!"

"So?"

"SO? So, if I reduce the size of the output while maintaining the size of the input…" He banged the dial with his hammer, and then pressed it to the bars. The resulting force burst the bars apart. Usopp smiled. "Let the breakout begin."

End of Flashback.

"REJECT!"

An explosion that equaled the force of ten atomic bombs erupted on Fischer. His immunity to his own power only saved him from the first three. That's still seven nuclear bombs on one single person. Fischer was vaporized on the spot.

Usopp smiled. 'All right guys!" he called to the 8000. "It's over!" Usopp's followers stopped playing dead and rose to their feet, giving Usopp a standing ovation. Usopp took a bow, and then fell over, exhausted. "Sid…" he called. "Take the Straw Hats back to their ship, and sail to Nona Me'.

"Ay ay captain!"

"Oh and Sid?"

"Yes captain?"

"Carry me to the ship too."

"Ay ay captain."

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Captain's Log: June 6th. After single handedly rescuing my crew from the clutches of the evil Fischer, I single-handedly sailed the Thousand Suns back to Nona Me', where I, also single-handedly, cared for my crewmates until they recovered. Of course, since none of them are really completely human (except the fair one) that was within twenty-four hours. They are no doubt in the galley now, preparing me an outrageously large banquet. Only fitting for a brave warrior of the sea.

"Still writing nonsense in that book of yours huh?"

Usopp looked up and saw Nami smiling at him from over his bed.

"It's not nonsense!" Usopp defended. "It's stories. I have to keep a log of them to tell Kaya when I return to Syrup Village, don't I?"

"Of course…"

"And there is some truth in this. You _are_ the only completely human one here."

"Besides you."

"True enough, true enough."

They sat in silence for a minute. Finally, Nami spoke. "Chopper, would you leave for a minute?"

Chopper, who had been scurrying back and forth attending to Usopp's broken bones, wounds, and dislocated arm throughout the entire bit of dialogue, nodded and left.

Nami sighed. "Usopp…I wanted to ask you…about Kaya."

"No you didn't."

Nami gasped, then smiled. "Can't keep anything from you, can't I?"

"Lying is MY turf Nami, you shouldn't go against me, or you'll be beaten before you breathe."

"Well, at least you have one thing going for you then."

"Mhm…HEY!"

Nami laughed. Then she leaned over and kissed him. After what may have been several days, they broke apart. They smiled.

"Nami?"

"Yes, Usopp?"

"I hate you."

Nami laughed. "You're not _that_ good at lying Usopp."

"I would hope not, lying about something like that should be impossible."

And they sat with each other until Sanji called them for dinner.

Fin

It's an UsNa! I haven't seen many of these in the archives. (I don't think I've seen _any_, but oh well. This is the end, I hope you enjoyed it!


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